About Balmorra
by Borlaaq
Summary: She would rather forget about Balmorra. Havoc Squad was her home now. A backwards journey about a trooper, Aric Jorgan and Balmorra.
_But if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?_
 _And if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like you've been here before?_  
 _How am I gonna be an optimist about this?_  
 _How am I gonna be an optimist about this?_

 _-Pompeii by Bastille_

"I refuse."

"You can't refuse this kind of mission, Captain," General Garza said sternly.

"Send someone else. I'll send my crew, but they will need a different CO. I will not go to Balmorra," Tiket growled as she smoothed her hand over her face. She was shaking, ever so slightly, Jorgan noticed.

"This is not a request, Trooper. You will go to Balmorra and you will recruit Tanno Vik. " Garza snapped, disconnecting the line abruptly.

The leader of Havoc Squad let her shoulders slump.

"Get the ship on course for Balmorra, Dorne. I am going to my quarters. No one disturb me until we land," she whispered, defeated.

Dorne saluted.

* * *

Tiket knew exactly how many days, hours, minute it would take to arrive there (-because it was a journey she had made before and she had counted each second tick by) and she knew they had not landed when there was a knock at her door.

"Sir."

"Go away, Jorgan."

"I refuse, Sir."

The dark skinned trooper sat up in her bed, her brown eyes drained of their light and red from trying not to cry, "That was an order."

"I'm coming in, Sir."

Tiket fell silent as the door slid open. Aric Jorgan was still in full armor but in his hands he held a large plate of food — and it wasn't field rations. She swallowed and her stomach growled.

"T-thank you," she whispered, pulling down a side table for him to set the plate on.

"I owed you dinner as thanks for promoting me, remember?"

She smiled half-heartedly.

They both ate in silence and she was thankful for it, thankful for him.

* * *

They landed in Balmorra with no more words to their Captain and she wouldn't tell them that she hadn't been back since her parents died, since the Resistance failed to protect so many innocents. She hadn't looked back when she ran away and hid from her people's plight. She had failed.

But now she was back and the planet looked worse than she could ever imagine. Even little Bugtown was war-torn and ravaged. She hated it and she wanted to cry. Where were the farmlands, the factories, the smiles, where was her home? It hadn't been like that for a long long time, she knew. She missed her mother's cooking, the smell of droid oil on her father's hands. She missed home.

Yet, when she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, she could smell the farmlands, the factors and feel the smiles. She was home and despite it all, it comforted her.

They all knew who she was and many gave her dirty looks. Her crew gave her questioning looks and just how did all these people know their captain?

"You've grown strong, Tiket." they told her and she had.

"Your family would be proud, Tiket" they told her and she felt like it was a lie.

"Welcome home, Tiket," they told her and it was true.

But Ardon gave no kind words, "Tiket? You're the leader of Havoc Squad?"

"It's been a long time, Ardon," she said with a salute.

"Going to run away again?"

"No." She told him, she was here to help. She would free her home.

Ardon's face betrayed his shock.

* * *

"Are you gonna tell us what's going on?" Jorgan asked when they were out of the town, sitting in camp as the sun set.

Tiket leaned back, setting down the cloth she had been using to clean her assault cannon. She sighed, "I was born in Balmorra and I abandoned my people to fight for the Republic."

"We'll get it back, Sir."

"That is not our mission, Jorgan," Dorne said but there was an agreement with him seldom heard in her voice.

"It is our duty to help those who are in need!" M1-4X chimed in.

Tiket stood and shouldered her weapon, "Then what are we waiting for! Let's win this war, Havoc Squad!"

They all smiled.

* * *

Tiket cried when they attacked the Okara Droid Factory and she fought with a stronger vigor than ever before. She remembered the smell and the best hiding spots and the bloodstains. There was a bloodlust in her that day and she killed many but she rescued many more.

"Are you okay, sir?" Dorne had asked.

"Both my parents worked and died here," she gave them the truth because they deserved it.

* * *

They drank when they took Sobrik. The night was filled with cheers and clinking glasses because they had won, they had won.

"We couldn't have done it without you, Tiket," they told her.

"No. It was thanks to Havoc Squad," she corrected. "We did it, Havoc Squad!"

They celebrated that night and Jorgan kissed her forehead when she drank too much. She slept well that night for the first time in years.

But they all knew it wasn't over yet.

* * *

Aric Jorgan touches her with a timid desperation.

It was Tiket that came to him and it was Tiket who always made the first move. She was the Captain after all. He hadn't been lying when he called for the crew to get some R & R. He wanted them off the ship and he wanted time for him and Tiket. They hadn't had any time to spend with each other since the first kiss and he didn't even know if it meant anything. He wanted it to but with Tiket, it was hard to tell. That woman would flirt with anything.

But he wants it to mean something so bad and so when she offers, he agrees, follows orders, like always. It's awkward and he's almost afraid. No matter what, though, she is still his commanding officer and there's an unspoken law of secrecy towards the rest of the crew.

He moves slow and she grows impatient. She kisses him, softer this time than their first and she takes his hand. Tiket guides him to her breast and Jorgan gets the hint, growling under his breath. She didn't want to think about Balmorra anymore. She doesn't want to think about tomorrow's mission. She doesn't want to think.

He slips off her shirt and replaces his hand with his mouth. His tongue is cat like, he uses it carefully. She squirms under his touch but makes no sound. He kisses her dark skin, nipping playfully at her breasts. She inhaled and panted. Jorgan held her close, grinding himself against her. He's wanted this for a long time. He's scared it's a dream.

"Aric," and it's strange to hear her say his first name but she exhales it like it's her last breath. "Hurry."

Who is he to deny her? He stands, undresses and helps her remove the rest of her clothing. He worships her body with kisses and bites, feeling her skin against his fur. Tiket wraps her arm around his neck, kissing him again. She slips her tongue into his mouth and for that moment they forget about the war, they forget about the Gauntlet, they forget about Havoc Squad. There is only them.

Jorgan slips his hands between her legs slowly, feeling the warm and wetness there. He slides a finger in and she hisses, but not in discomfort. He swallows hard and his member twitches. He wants her — all of her. He wants her to be his and only his. He's sick of sharing.

Tiket reaches between them, taking his member into her hands and stroking it slowly. She moves his hand away from her entrance lines them up. She arcs into him, moaning quietly as she felt his head enter her. He almost lost it, but with a deep growl he pushes himself all the way in and starts to move. He nearly purrs from the feeling—the warmth and wetness — Tiket.

He wouldn't tell her, but he hadn't been with a woman since before Ord Mantell but he knew for a fact she had been with men since then, maybe even in this very ship's quarters. And he definitely wouldn't tell her he has never been with a human woman before. He moves faster, harder and he never wants it to end — he never wants to lose her. She wraps her legs around his waist and pushes her face against his neck. He can feel her panting and shaking and he thinks he's doing a fine job.

He came fast and hard and she shuddered violently in response. He kissed her forehead like on Balmorra and he forgot about everything, everything but her.

* * *

She was gone in the morning and he wasn't surprised because today was the day they assaulted the Gauntlet. He would fight hard for her. He would do his best for her.

* * *

All Aric Jorgan remembers was fighting and the high of battle. They were winning and he couldn't stop thinking about the night before. He fought for her and he hoped to any higher power that she would be okay. He was worried and he wasn't all there. He was distracted and cocky. He didn't hear M1-4X yelling and he didn't hear the order to fall back. He didn't feel the pain at first, but he smelt the blood and when he looked down he saw the hole in his chest. His weapon clattered to the ground and his hand touched the wound.

So that's what his insides looked like. A lot less red, more pink.

It all happened in slow motion and he felt his vision blurring. He couldn't speak, couldn't fire, couldn't move but he couldn't die. The ground hurts his knees when he fell and he tried to reach for his smaller weapon. Then the pain hits. He tries not to vomit. All he could see was Forex's massive body moving between him and the Imperials and he fumbled with a medpac.

But medpacs can't close gaping blaster wounds.

"F-Forex," he managed to struggle out and he tasted blood and sweat.

"Lieutenant Jorgan! Hang in there, I'll get you to the Captain!"

He had been foolish but when he finally closes his eyes he sees Tiket.

* * *

"Jorgan? Jorgan! What happened? Let me through, let me through!" Tiket pushed her way past her squad, breaking into a dead run to the cathar laying on the ground. Dorne was kneeling over him, her eyebrows drawn in concentration.

"I'm sorry, Sir, despite my efforts to absorb enemy fire, he refused to give up his portion of the fight—a perfect example of Republic heroism!" M1-4X explained.

An anger bubbled up in the back of Tiket's throat and she balled her fists, "Blast you, Jorgan," she was shaking and trying hard not to cry. "What's his status?" she could already see it wasn't good.

"Jorgan is lucky to be alive, Sir," Dorne whispered.

She swallowed hard and walked up closer to him. She covered her mouth and shuddered. The yawning wound in his stomach was hurriedly bandaged and the bleeding had been stopped but gods why had she let him go to the bridge. This wasn't something kolto could heal, her skills where useless. She touched his hand softly.

"You can be so selfish sometimes, Aric," Tiket hissed under her breath and stood, looking towards the rest of her crew. She would be strong. For them. "Havoc Squad! To the Ship! We have an explosion to set off!"

* * *

She spent nights by his bed, watching him squirm in pain but when she would touch his cheek with her hand and his breathing would even out. Her heart hurt. Her head hurt. She never meant for this to happen and she never meant to feel this way for him.

"You care for him a lot, don't you, Sir?" Dorne asks and Tiket swallows and tries not to cry.

"I'm so scared of losing him. Of losing any of you. Havoc Squad is all I have and I've already lost that once before."

* * *

Tiket was lucky not to have lost Jorgan but that was where he luck ended because in the end, she was forced to kill Jaxo. The guilt settled in her chest and she cried that night. Why couldn't she just save everyone? Protect everyone? She had failed.

She and Jaxo had been close and that was Tiket's fall. She fell in love with everyone. Jaxo was like the sister that she left on Balmorra, the sister she abandoned and just like that sister, she abandoned Jaxo to die in a vented basement. It hurt.

Jorgan touched her shoulder and cooked her dinner. The rest of the squad said nothing because they knew Tiket wasn't one to talk about herself. Tiket appreciates them, especially Jorgan and she kisses him softly. She falls in love with everyone, but she doesn't lovethem like she loves him she decides.

* * *

Jorgan writes her letters sometimes because there are things he can't bring himself to say aloud yet. Like how he wouldn't mind having her as a lifemate and how he wants to adopt children and raise them after they win the war. He can't bring himself to tell her just yet.

So he writes letters to Tiket and slips them under her door at night and sometimes he leaves presents at her door, usually food or sweets because that's her favorite. It's the third letter that he timidly signs with 'love you'.

The next day she kisses him and whispers, "I love you too."

"Don't let them know I'm getting soft," he grumbles, kissing back.

It's a small victory, a small way to ignore the fighting but they know the war isn't over yet. After all, they are still Havoc Squad and they still have a lot of work to do.

* * *

Tiket used to play hide and seek in the Balmorran Droid Factories. She would always grow tired of playing in the dirt outside and sneak into the Droid Factory to watch her parents work. The smell of oil and sound of grinding metal was a comfort to her. She loved the droids like brothers and sisters and she named each one. She knew the best hiding spots, and her father would always get so worried when it was time to go home and they couldn't find her. But she would always hide in plain sight — where she could see her parents working themselves to the bones. Even then she was scared of being alone.

When they would go home, her mother would make them soup because that was all they could afford and it was always the best soup Tiket had ever had. Sometimes, it had meat in it. She would have to eat fast, before she was tucked into bed before her parents would have to return to work again. She was always still hungry.

She remembers when the Imperials started coming and she remembers hiding in plain sight but now it wasn't a game, now it was a life or death. She was older then, given up on the childish games, but she still remembered her best hiding place. She had followed the soldiers because she was curious why they were talking guns to the factory. She would be starting work there in the next few weeks. She was ten.

But there would be no more factories run by the people of Balmorra by the time.

She heard the gunshots, she saw the blood and that's when Tiket ran.

* * *

Tiket joined the Resistance the year she turned thirteen, three years after the death of her parents. They were small and lead by a few Republic Soldiers. She had developed an admiration for the droids and probes at a young age, always being surrounded by them and helped build weapons and reprogram droids for them. She was a valuable asset. She healed the injured with her medical probes and built up defenses for their bases. She would fight for Balmorra until she died.

When she was fifteen, she got lice. It was nothing unfamiliar to the muddy life of the Resistance. They shaved her matted, dirty hair without a second thought. She found then that it was easier without long hair to deal with and she kept her head shaven.

When she was sixteen, the Republic sent more troops. They showed great interest in her abilities and she showed great interest in their armor. Real soldiers! She worked closely with them and helped them set up base in Bugtown. Other members of the Resistance didn't seem so excited by the appearance of the Republic—they had abandoned them before, they would do it again. But Tiket thought they would end the war for good. It was months of fighting in the mud, planning attacks when the Troopers approached her.

The new Republic Troopers found her too young to be fighting her and offered her a career off world — a training program to become one of them — to become a trooper. The idea of warm food, clean clothes and that beautifully designed armor captured Tiket's interest. She would be a wonderful Trooper, the leaders said. She wouldn't make a difference here, Balmorra was lost, they told her. Her heart sank but she believed them because she was young and that was when Tiket ran again.

They shipped her to a training program and the Resistance saw this as abandonment. She was no better than the Republic. Tiket, thought, swore she would come back. She just needed the proper training.

* * *

She tasted field rations for the first time that year and it was more filling than any soup her mother could make. She snuck cantina food and extra rations and she never slept hungry anymore. She excelled in her training and despite the weight she gained; she could lift her assault cannon with one hand. She was no longer a dirty, skinny child. Now she was a full and strong woman. She was a Trooper.

She passed her training at nineteen and swore she wouldn't go back to the slums of Balmorra. She couldn't stand it. It was a forsaken place. She fought for the Republic and the Republic abandoned Balmorra. She couldn't face her friends again, she had failed, she had ran.

She hated Balmorra. She missed Balmorra.

* * *

At age twenty-one, Tiket was assigned to Havoc Squad.

Aric Jorgan was rough on her for her weight at first, but she would beat him in arm wrestling any day. She was self-conscious about it, though and suddenly the remarks stopped when he found her crying in bathroom next to a scale.

She ate nothing but soup for weeks.


End file.
